Nerves kicking in...

First things first-- continued thanks to everyone with their amazing amounts of support. I said in my first blog that I had an amazing support system up and down the East coast. That wasn't accurate. I have an amazing support system all over the world. My blog has reached 15 countries. Yes, countries-- so for those of you reading this all over the world whom I don't know-- thanks, it is so cool and truly means the world to me! 

Also-- I am sorry if you write to me and I don't get back to you. One of the things that I got overwhelmed with yesterday was trying to figure out how to write back to everyone contacting me and make it sound personal and not like a copy and pasted auto response. I am not the auto response kind of girl! So if you are writing to me with a question-- I will answer it in my blog, unless it's personal then of course I will write you back! Otherwise, please know that I am genuinely touched by all of the messages and comments and I cannot say thank you enough! 

You know what I could really use about now? A blue cup...

What's a blue cup? Well, it's the giant blue cup in this picture, duh. (Sorry about the middle finger, haha) He's Not Here is my favorite bar in my favorite place, Chapel Hill, NC. They fill that awesome blue cup with whatever beer you want that's on tap and then you sit in the court yard with your best friends, laugh, dance around to country music, and forget your worries. Man, could I use a night at He's Not right now...

My nerves have kicked into high gear as of yesterday. What happens when my nerves kick in? Well let's recap what I did yesterday... first I was fine and did all the laundry in the house. Then, I was useless so I watched like 6 episodes of prison break. I got pretty overwhelmed throughout the day because of everything I felt like I had to do. I didn't really have anything to get done. Finally, after my mom got home I essentially lost my cool and cried for like 45 minutes and then went to sleep. The good news is crying totally made me feel better. Well, that and sleeping basically until 11:30am today. 

The point of me telling you this is because this journey is not an easy one. It is a crazy emotional roller coaster that can really put you on your butt! And hey, I said I'd be honest writing this from the start. What am I going to do to ease my nerves today since He's Not Here is too far away? Probably going watch 8 more episodes of prison break. haha

One of the hardest parts about this journey so far for me has been thinking some of the most important people in my life would be right by my side but are nowhere to be found. Now, it was my mistake to think there were certain people that I could totally rely on. My bad, yo. But since I did think that of certain important people in my life, it makes it even more difficult to go through the process knowing they're not there for you. Seriously crappy. My advice to anyone going through a similar situation is do not rely on the people who say they are going to be there, until they actually are! Don't worry, I learned this by having 4 long talks with a voice mail before I was like... dang, they suck. But hey, some people suck! 

The lighter side of this: people that you would have never expected to be there for you are! I cannot begin to describe what it feels like for someone from middle school that you haven't talked to in at least 8 years to tell you they're there for you, or a girl that you admired in high school reaching out to you to say she's going through the same thing and we can go through it together! Even people I don't know or barely know-- friends of friends writing beautiful and enlightening things about me or even calling me a "bad ass!" There are two things I am sure of in this world: there are some crappy people and there are some incredible people. Thank god the incredible people outweigh the crappy ones like 3294824 to 1. 

I have decided to try to do a song of the day, in case others find comfort in music! My first song of the day goes out to my first love in the reggae world, Iration. This song is off of their album Time Bomb and helps me to remember that if you need inspiration or motivation 'all you gotta do is look inside' and 'use your own light if you need a guide'.... 

(This is a picture... go download it... It's called 'All in You', I don't have the rights to put other peoples music on my blog, although that would be super cool.)

Before I forget-- In case you haven't caught on yet, MEN AND WOMEN should both be getting tested for the BRCA gene mutation! I haven't had any guys tell me they are getting tested yet. I'm waitingggggg...

Happy Tuesday, y'all.