I've got chills, they're multiplyin'...

Each day, I find myself feeling stronger and stronger and that my friends, is a great feeling! I definitely have a new appreciate for my capabilities in life and am going to use as many as I can to my full advantage. I recently fell in love with running and once I am feeling up for it, it's going to be my every day thing, simply because...I can!

I told you i'd write the good and the bad, so here's some of the bad stuff! Part of the process of having surgery is taking pain medications and then deciding when you don't need them anymore. I went off of all pain medications roughly one week after surgery. The only side of effects I've had from going off the meds have been chills and hot flashes. This may not sound too terrible, considering the side effects that can arise, but going to bed, waking up sweating so you throw off the blankets, falling back asleep, waking up freezing, and the process repeating is not my cup of tea.  Actually, I am sure it is not anyone's cup of tea. This is what I have been going through for the past couple of days! Cute, I know. But at least I know soon enough, there will no more medication left in my system.

Another negative aspect of having this surgery is not being able to sleep. Ugh. I thought once I had my drains out that sleeping would get easier, but I was wrong. Basically, the only way that you can sleep after a bilateral mastectomy is on your back. Who sleeps on their back all night? That's right, No one. I was able to do it for a little while but now my back is like 'HEY, GET OFF OF ME' while I am sleeping. I have tried to sleep on my side but I have so much bruising and my muscle is pulled so tight that it's a huge no go! 

There is good news though, I asked around and have gotten a few interesting recommendations. The first recommendation I received I tried last night, which was to sleep with as many pillows as possible. You're probably thinking...what?! Well I was able to put the pillows under one side of me, taking pressure off of my back. Then I put a pillow under each arm, under my feet, and one on my chest to hug! Warning: If you stop hugging the pillow and lay your arms flat on your side pillows, your elbow crack will hurt SUPER bad when you wake up and haven't moved it in the middle of the night. Trust me! 

The other recommendation I received is to sleep in a recliner. I think this might be the money ticket because then it is like you're laying down, but really you're sitting and there isn't pressure on your back. Also, you can kind of lay on your side without actually putting any weight on your side. I'll let you know how it goes! 

My partner in crime, one of my dear friends since middle school, Alina Torres, sent me a very appropriate get well present! I am so lucky to call Alina one of my closest friends, as we can go months without seeing each other but pick up like we were never apart once we're back together and we know we can always rely on each other in times of need! Love you very much and am very proud of you, PIC. 

The cup reads "Good friends are like bras, supportive, never leave you hanging, make you look good, and are always close to your heart." See, super appropriate! Thanks again, Alina! 

In honor of an old friend and reminiscing on high school, my song of the day is The Starting Line- Best of me, because we got older but we're still young, we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up.

I just took a serious walk down memory lane, so if you're familiar with The Starting Line, you should do the same! 

I hope everyone had an awesome Hump day! See you tomorrow!

Cancer free, y'all...

Well, today is a great day! I met with my general surgeon, Dr.Harmon, this morning and got the pathology results that said I am cancer free! What a relief it was to hear those words come out of my doctors mouth! 

To further explain, all of my lymph nodes came back negative for cancer, but I did have 5 small tumors in my breast tissue that they removed. Five small tumors? What does that mean? That just means that I had cells in my breast tissue that had changed from their normal state and were in the process of changing when they ripped those babies out! I am not going to lie, this was terrifying to hear and naturally, I cried, but they're gone now! My doctor explained that this was just more proof that I had made the right decision in being proactive so early! I hope this gives you even more motivation to go get tested. I am 24 and had 5 small changing tumors... How old are you? Not too young to get tested, that's for sure.

Dr.Harmon made sure to emphasize to me that I now need to make sure I am getting the proper testing for my ovaries. I guess that means that will just get blood tests and ultra sounds on a regular basis to make sure I don't develop ovarian cancer, but I am not sure yet, so i'll let you know. 

More great news: Jillian got her pathology report back and she is also cancer free, with no abnormalities! In honor of this, at dinner time tonight we will drink beers 'together', being hundreds of miles apart, and cheers to not having cancer! Feel free to join us! 

Today is an extra exciting day because I got a donut from Krispy Kreme after my doctors appointment and I was able to put on a t-shirt. Why is putting on a t-shirt exciting?

I have nothing against wearing my dads button down shirts, because they're big and comfy. But when the only thing you can put on is a giant button down and shorts when you go into public, it gets old... fast. I am also a huge lover of t-shirts, I wear them more probably more than I should, so it is nice to put one back on! You can also kind of see my lack of boobs here. haha 

In honor of the fact that I have to miss the Dirty Heads concert, my song of the day is Your love- by the Dirty Heads.

Why do I have to miss the dirty heads concert? It's because I can't chance going downtown Orlando and having someone bump into my chest... because it would be a sad day for that poor soul.  Dirty heads, if you're reading this... I love you. 

All of your continued love and support helps make each sore day, a little less of a pain! I can't say thank you enough! See everyone tomorrow :)

Drain, Drain, go away...

Great news! I am drain free!!!! I got my other two drains taken out this morning. Woohoo

It is such a great feeling to not have to lug those things around or worry about pulling them on something. Ouch. I look forward to being able to sleep on my side again and shower without help! 

I actually took a shower today by myself and it drained all my energy. Who would have thought a shower would be so tiring?

I am allowed to start using my arms again which is more great news. I didn't realize how tight my muscles could get in a little over a weeks time. I have to start doing arm exercises to get my arms back to full range of motion. My exercise for my arms is to stand a few inches less than arms length away from a wall and slowly walk my hand up the wall with my fingers until my chest muscles begin to feel tight. Then I will press my hand against the wall for several seconds to stretch the muscle. I will do this for three weeks, or until I begin expanding, which will then be when I should be at full range of motion. 

I wanted to say thank you again to everyone for your continued love and support!! I made it through the hard part and I have all of you to thank for that! I cannot express my gratitude enough! 

See everyone tomorrow, better than ever! 

Duct tape your chest...

Hope everyone is having an epic Sunday Fun-day! 

I am incredibly excited for tonight because my 'big', Becca Guard Davis, and her mom are coming to visit! I was in a sorority for a semester where I met my big, Becca. She has become one of my best friends and I am so grateful to have her in my life!

We can't go out and cause a ruckus like we normally would, but I am sure excited to hang out. They have been on the road all day today and hopefully will be here around 5pm for dinner. Can't wait!

Dilemma of the day: Medical Tape. For some reason, medical tape will no longer stick to my chest. I have these large bandages that have to be secured by medical tape to cover my incisions, but the tape will not stay on for more than an hour! How annoying! My mom tried using bandages because they do stick better but the skin on my chest is so sensitive right now that it hurt too bad to take those off. I can't sneak around the house because I end up leaving a trail of bandages, haha. I will ask my doctor if I have other options tomorrow and let you all know!

How am I feeling? I am nauseated. I am not sure if it's these medications I am on or what, but for some reason I can't seem to shake this nauseated and light-headed feeling. Don't worry, I am going to both doctors this week and will definitely be asking how to get rid of this awful feeling! 

My arm pits are still the most sore area that I have, which is inconvenient, but at least I am feeling better each day! Hopefully, tomorrow after my other two drains are removed the soreness of my underarms will go away!

I am able to do more and more each day and it's awesome! Today, I was able to take my shirt off without assistance. By that I mean, pull my arms back and let it fall off me of, but hey... it's progress! 

Sorry for the short blog again, but being light-headed and on the computer do not mix very well. Once I can stand to look at a computer screen longer than 10 minutes, I will start back up with the song of the day.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. See you tomorrow!

Quick update...

Each day I find myself feeling a little better! I don't really have much to report as today was uneventful, but I like uneventful! I took two long naps and had a couple visitors, but that's all my day consisted of, which is nice. 

Presley says hi! 

Tomorrow is a new day which means I will be feeling even better than today.... Yahoo! Catch everyone tomorrow! 

Better each day...

Happy Friday, everyone! 

Yesterday was a pretty great day for me! The first awesome thing that happened was one of my best friends, who lives in Atlanta, just came casually strolling into my room. 

She came home for the weekend because her dad is graduating from college, Congratulations Mr.Tommy, and so she came to hang out with me as a surprise! She is a sneaky little Georgia Peach, as this is like the 4389 time she has been able to surprise me in one way or another! Love you, Brit! 

The second awesome thing that happened yesterday is that I believe I passed that stupid kidney stone! Thank goodness!

The third and final awesome thing that happened yesterday was that I got two of my drains taken out yesterday, so I am down to two! I was so nervous yesterday to get my drains taken out, because I didn't know what to expect. The doctor was running behind and by the time he came into the room, I was almost in tears I was so nervous! First of all, I didn't know if it would hurt to have them removed, and secondly I didn't know how long or extensive the process was to take them out! Dr. P removed the stitches holding those two drains, one on each side, and then simply pulled them out! He asked me to take a deep breath and it felt just like a pinch of pressure, but that was it. Those two particular drains were kind of in my armpit crack, between my chest and my arms. I could actually feel the drains if I ran my hand over the area and it was an incredibly tender. Thank goodness those were the ones he took out! I am much more comfortable today. 

I get the other two out on Monday! I am so excited!

Each day I realize how many factors I didn't take into consideration when beginning this journey. I like to share these things so people who are going through something similar will maybe have a heads up when these situations arise for them.  One of the things I didn't realize was how little energy I would have throughout this process. 

Today, I went on my first fun outing since surgery. My aunt picked me up, took my to get a haircut, out to lunch, and then to target! My haircut, by the lovely Mrs.Jennet, went great! The only hiccup was since I have on so many bandages, plus a shirt and a cutting cape, I got too hot while she was blowing dry my hair and we had to take a break. My hair looks fabulous!

After my haircut we went to Tijuana Flats, which is a Mexican restaurant by my house. They have a salsa bar with like ten types of salsa and I couldn't reach over the bar to get my own. I felt kind of embarrassed for a second because I had to have my aunt get my salsa and then if my drink was set down too far back on the table and I couldn't reach it, then she had to pass it to me. I sat and thought for a second and then realized that there is no reason for me to feel embarrassed. If someone was watching me and making judgement about me because of my movements then they are probably not a very nice person to begin with! Sometimes you also have to remind yourself that people probably aren't even paying attention to you anyways, so there's nothing to worry about. 

After lunch, we went to target where we were for a whopping 5 minutes before I realized 'Holy guacamole, I'm tired.' Luckily, my aunt realized I was tired too and we ended our afternoon adventure! 

The reason for my play-by-play of my afternoon is so you have an idea of how little activity you can do before you need to take a nap! I can go a million miles an hour under normal circumstances, but not right now. All the medications I am on, along with the anesthesia still in my system, make me have little to no energy. It's hard for me, because I think I can do more than I can handle and then I end up extra exhausted at the end of the day, which you don't want to do to yourself.
  
If I was going to make a recommendation to anyone who is going to be getting a mastectomy in the near future, it would be to start getting out of bed without using your hands at least two weeks before your surgery. I know it sounds crazy, but essentially only using your abs to get out of bed is super hard. Once you have the hang of it, it's easy but you should prepare yourself because once you have the surgery, there's not catching yourself with your arms to get up. 

My song of the day is This Ain't Nothin'- by Craig Morgan because in the big scheme of things, this little bump in the road ain't nothin'.

Hope everyone has a happy hour filled Friday and a great weekend! 

Don't come back without donuts...

Happy Hump Day everyone!!! I have two very special birthday shout outs before I finish my surgery story!

First things first: Happy birthday to my amazing grandma, Honey Ruth!!! I love you so much and hope you are having the best birthday ever!!! 

Honey Ruth is a breast cancer survivor and my motivation to fight back against cancer! She had breast cancer at 37 and today is her 80th birthday! If you look up 'warrior' in the dictionary, there is a picture of her next to the definition. 

Secondly: Today is a very special day, as two of my favorite people, Zack and Julie, welcomed this little princess, Kenzley Harper Hardenbergh, into the world!! 

Zack and Julie: You are going to be the most incredible parents and I cannot wait to watch your perfect little ray of sunshine grow<3 

Real quick: I just wanted to say sorry I missed another blog! Yesterday, I went on my first adventure out since my surgery and it wore me out! All I did was go to the doctor and Walgreen's, but I literally have no energy right now! It's annoying!

Now, back to my surgery... The first thing I remember about waking up is having one of those oxygen things on that blows air up your nose and my nose being incredibly itchy! I also remember there being a bunch of people standing around me, asking all kinds of questions, and me thinking 'Where in the world am I?'

There are not many things that I remember from the recovery room because I was extremely medicated, duh. One of the things that I do remember is being nauseated and the nurses taking those little alcohol wipes and putting them on my oxygen tube right by my nose. Gross. Apparently, that helps some people to not be nauseated after surgery, but in my case it did the exact opposite. The nurses kept putting those things on my oxygen line and every time I took it off and threw it on the floor. I wont get into any details, but in my case, those alcohol wipes did not prevent me from vomiting. 

I ended up being in recovery for more than 6 hours because my blood pressure was extremely low. At one point my diastolic number or bottom number was in the 20's. What is a diastolic number? It's the bottom number in your blood pressure reading, which is also the lower of the two numbers, that measures the pressure in the arteries between heartbeats (when the heart muscle is resting between beats and refilling with blood). The nurses told me I had been in recovery for record time, which is when they gave me those monkey stuffed animals as a prize. 

Since I spent an extended period of time in recovery, the nurses were nice enough to bend the rules a little for me so that my parents could come see me, which was awesome! Eventually, they did send my parents home! Before they left, I kindly told my mom that she 'better not come back without donuts.' I had to drive past a Krispy Kreme with 'Hot Now' donuts on my way in when I couldn't eat or drink anything, so I obviously woke up thinking about donuts. 

After recovery, my memories of the hospital are pretty foggy. I was supposed to get out on Friday, but because I could not keep any food in my system and I had low blood pressure, I ended up staying until Sunday. In the end, I am glad I stayed those extra days because the nursing staff was so helpful! I wouldn't have gotten through those first couple of days without the help of my family, friends, and those awesome nurses at Florida Hospital! 

One of the most inconvenient things about this surgery: Not being able to use my arms! Wait... Why can't you use your arms? Part of my surgery took lymph nodes out my armpits. I had 3 taken out of the left side and 2 taken out of the right side to be tested for cancer. The incisions can easily open, so I can't use my arms to avoid that agony. By can't use my arms I mean I can bend them but not lift them above my head or away from my body, and can't lift anything that weighs more than a coke can. In case you're wondering, here are a couple things that I didn't realized I wouldn't be able to do without the use of my arms: Get out of bed, get the 'fly-away' hairs out of my face, rub my eyes, move my pillow myself to try to get comfortable, go to the bathroom, or even put a cup of water up to my mouth to drink it!  

Other than that, the only thing about the hospital I strongly remember is how swollen you can get from all of the fluids they are pumping into you! This is easy for me to remember because I am still swollen. It's not fun. Luckily, it has gone down a bunch but in the beginning I couldn't bend my fingers because they were so fat and my ankles even had rolls. Cute, I know. So if you're in the hospital, don't freak out and think 'How'd I get so fat all the sudden?!'... it takes time but it will go away! I am still waiting...

I am so glad to have that part of this journey behind me! Were there times when I wished I wasn't in this situation? Absolutely! Is it weird to see yourself with no boobs? Yup... so I just try not to look! ((Yes, I did say that I was going to have small boobs when I woke up but due to complications with my surgery, they were able to put the expanders in, but no fluid in them.)) I keep reminding myself that the hard part is over and it is only up hill from here! 

If you are going through something similar, pillow pets come in handy on car rides! 

I guess technically it can just be a pillow and not a pillow pet, but pillow pets are more fun! Thank goodness for my mom thinking outside the box because I wouldn't have even realized that the seat belt going across my chest was going to hurt until I got into the car that day. Putting a pillow between your chest and the seat belt makes car rides much easier!

The most creative gift award goes to the Kerr Family, aka my Chapel Hill Family, for this gem:

It is so appropriate that my best friend, Kaitlyn, and her awesome parents, James and Jennifer, sent me a gift basket with unique beers for motivation to get well soon! Love and miss you guys very much and can't wait to drink a beer with y'all soon enough! 

My song of the day is Billy Currington- Pretty good at drinkin' beer because I cannot wait to be off all these medications and crack one of those babies open! It is also the song of the day because country music makes me feel like I am back in North Carolina and sure does put a smile on my face! 

Disclaimer: My kidneys were jealous that my chest was getting all of the attention so I am currently passing a kidney stone. Yes, I have passed one before and yes, it sucks. If you happen to write to me in the next day or so and I don't answer it's because I am trying to heal from my surgery and pass this stupid stone! 

Catch everyone tomorrow, hopefully <3

PS: There is a poll on the right of my blog posts, do it! I am interested to see how many of you have been tested for the BRCA gene mutation or are planning on getting tested! Don't worry, its anonymous. 

Three little birds...

Today has reassured me that it can only go up from here! I feel 100x better than I did yesterday, which is great, but I still have a long road ahead. I have no energy what so ever so I can't write much, but I figured I would write in chunks to explain everything that has gone on since Thursday! 

The question of the day comes from my little cousin, Reid: "Do they use a chainsaw to take them off?" I almost fell off my stretcher laughing when his dad, my cousin Nathan, text me that he asked that. Thank goodness little Reidy wasn't my surgeon on Thursday! haha Valid kid question for sure!

I arrived at Florida Hospitals Rapid in and out (RIO) department at 8:30 am on Thursday. I am not sure why they call it RIO because there was nothing 'rapid' about this process. 

My first nurse during my weekend stay-cation at the hospital was Amy and she was awesome! She had me change into my hospital gown, started my IV with the biggest needle in the world, and all the other general surgery nonsense.

Hair nets are obviously incredibly flattering...not. Before I could put on this fabulous outfit, I had wipe my body down with these soap wipes, which turned into a nightmare. Remember how I told you the hospital gave me soap to use up to the day of my surgery? Well these soap things were nothing like that. Before I went in for surgery, I took one more shower at my house where I decided to shave my legs. You know how there's that understood rule where you aren't supposed to shave your legs before you get a pedicure? Well, there is also an underlying rule that you're not suppose shave your legs before surgery. MY LEGS ITCHED SO BAD I COULDN'T FUNCTION. 

Nurse Amy was as helpful as she could be by giving me options as to how to make it stop itching but nothing worked. I even had this crazy blanket that this tube hooked into and blew either hot or cold air, but that didn't help either. So if you're having surgery anytime soon-- don't shave the day of, trust me. haha

I hung out for a while and then transport came to get me to take me to my sentinel node injections. They wheeled me through the hospital until we reached the 'Caution: Nuclear...' (I forget what else it said) sign, which was of course where they were taking me. I thought I was about to go into some super cool area of the hospital with scientists in lab coats with all kinds of chemicals and masks on, but it wasn't that awesome. 

Two wonderful doctors administered my sentinel node injections. What is that?! It was a series of 8 shots, 4 in each boob, of some chemical. The doctors then used some big fancy machine to take a 5 minute picture that showed where the dye went once it was inside my boobs. The goal of these shots was so that when the doctor went in to take out some my lymph nodes, they would be easy to find. This was the easiest part of the procedure for me because the injections didn't really hurt and then I just had to lay there. 

After my node injection, I went back to my room in RIO and waited patiently for them to wheel me back for surgery. Unfortunately, someone was rushed in because their appendix burst so we got bumped from our operating room. My surgery was scheduled for 12:30 pm and it actually started at 2:37 pm. The anxiety of waiting past the original operating time was awful. Eventually, I was able to speak with my anesthesiologist and he was nice enough to give me so medicine to calm me down! 

After he gave me that medicine, I started being visited by all the doctors and nurses associated with my surgery. There was literally an army of them! I eventually just politely said 'don't worry about forgetting my name because I already can't remember yours. haha They liked that, I think. 

That is basically all I remember from before my surgery. I vaguely remember giving my mom a kiss goodbye and being freezing cold, and I mean FREEZING. I also remember two of the nurses, a man and a woman, that helped calm me down as I cried from my nerves. 

Next thing I knew, I was awake! I will explained what happened once I woke up in tomorrows blog, so stay tuned...

My song of the day is Bob Marley's- Three little birds. Going through the rough aftermath of this surgery got the best of me on Saturday. I was frustrated with so many things and then for some reason I thought to myself  "don't worry, about a thing... 'cause every little thing, is gonna be alright." Make sure next time you're having a hard day, you sing these words to yourself.

I am sure most people have this song downloaded, because its Bob, duh. If you don't... go download it!

Before I close, I was hoping that everyone could send some extra prayers out for me! Kristin, Drea, Kayla, and Rachel were like sisters to me through high school and although distance and time have separated us, they will always be like sisters to me! Right now these four women and their family need all the prayers they can get! 

Kristin and Jason Lucas brought Baby Karter James into this world on June 14, 2014 at only 22 weeks old. Karter James fought as hard as he could, but in the end God decided that he wanted Karter by his side. Karter left this world on July 11, 2014. Tomorrow there is a service for him that I will unfortunately not be able to attend, so I have a special request! If everyone could wear purple tomorrow to show your support for this broken family, I would really appreciate it! Karter made such a positive impact on this world in the short time that he was here and I believe if you read his story, you'd fight just a little harder each day. 

If you happen to take a 'selfie' in your purple, please hash tag #teamkarter #fightlikeapreemie. I think it would be nice for the family to see the support of so many people, as I have learned quickly that a strong support system is all you need to make it through anything! 

Thanks again for all the love and support! See everyone tomorrow for the explanation of the  second half of my surgery adventure. Keep the good vibes coming! 

Finally home...

I am definitely not up to my quirky self  to be writing blogs just yet but I wanted to update everyone.

After spending three nights and four days in the hospital I am finally home. Man does this feel good!  I've never been so excited to lay in my bed in my entire life,

Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I will wake up feeling 10 times better. Don't worry, I will fill everyone in on my hospital adventure once I I feel up to doing it. 

Just wanted to thank everyone again for your continued love, support, and prayers through this difficult time. Now that the hard part is over, I will be back and better than ever in no time.

Special thanks to my sissy, Kathryn Boyd, and Mackenzie, Devin, and Skipper Ward! I have never seen, let alone received, so many flowers in my life!  

If I could describe this procedure in one word it would be ouch, but it's all worth it. 

All of the love and support I continue to receive makes this road much easier. Tomorrow, as long as I'm not super groggy, I will fill you in on all the details!

Catch you on the flip side, y'all. 

Recovering...

Here's a quick update for everyone!

Yesterday was a pretty rough day for me. My surgery was delayed a little over 2 hours and the ended up being 6 hours long. Once I was in recovery my blood pressure dropped really low and I could not keep anything down including water.  I spent around 6 hours in recovery! 

The nursing staff here has been absolutely wonderful so far! One of the nurses even gave me a present! 

They even hold hands! 

I am still in the hospital, unfortunately spending the night again. They are keeping me to watch my blood pressure and control my nausea and pain. I will hopefully be out sometime tomorrow, so keep those thoughts, prayers, and good vibes coming my way!! 

Thank you so much again for all the love and support! I have got to be the luckiest girl in the world with such a large support system! 

Catch everyone tomorrow:) 

I'm Ready...

Today has literally been the best day before surgery I could have ever imagined!!! I was worried that I would be such a nervous wreck that I wouldn't be able to function, but it has been the exact opposite.

First of all: flowers. What girl doesn't love flowers?! Thank you to two of my best friends, Brittany Johnson and Shannon Clever, as well as my DB Sutton& Company Family for all sending me flowers. You have all made me feel so loved <3 

Being the girl that I am, today I had my make up done by the fabulous Jenna Sada for a photo shoot I had this afternoon! What girl doesn't like to look incredibly fabulous the day before she has surgery? Actually, what girl doesn't like to look incredibly fabulous any day?

I am debating going into surgery with this make up still on because it just looks too good to take off!! Special thanks to Jenna and her mama for coming over to do this for me today! I will have a link up so any ladies in the Orlando area can contact Jenna to schedule appointments. You know you want to!

After Jenna finished making me look like a million bucks, I had a photo shoot with the wonderful Rose Reid! We did a 'fight like a girl' themed shoot! Here is a sneak peak with more to come!

I am obsessed! I had such an incredible time doing this, keeping my mind off of tomorrow, and laughing the afternoon away with Rose! Definitely check out Rose Reid Photography for your next photo shoot! 

Today was one of those days that I thought to myself; dang, today couldn't possibly get any better... and then it did. Throughout the past several weeks I have been interviewing for an executive assistant position at Florida Hospital. I received a phone call this afternoon in which I accepted the job offer!!!!!! The best part about getting the job offer today was when my new boss explained that she had been pushing HR so she could call me with the good news before tomorrow, as she knew I would need some today because I would be nervous! A woman that I have met once in my life did that to make sure today was a good day for me. Naturally, after she told me that, I cried. I was so touched! Don't worry though, she doesn't know that. haha 

To finish off this awesome day, another one of my moms friends stopped by with half of Publix. Okay, not really, but pretty close. She wanted to make things easier on my mom, so she brought over at least 10 bags of chips, dip ingredients, sodas, and beers so that when I have people who come to visit, there will be snacks and drinks. WHO THINKS OF THAT? Thank you so much Ann Dombrowski Cotroneo! 

I am going into tomorrow with the biggest smile on my face! I cannot thank each and every one of you enough for all of the support I have received! The random messages on a daily basis letting me know people are there for me truly touch my heart. In this short time of blogging, you all have made me a better person. I know now more than ever that God has a plan and that he puts people in our lives to help us along and make us better each day. 

My song of the day is 'I'm Ready by AJR' because it just makes me want to start dancing! Oh and because I am feelin' good and feelin right, and I'm Ready! 

iTunes or Youtube, you know the drill.

I love you all so much and will catch you on the flip side of this bad boy <3

Almost there...

Last night, I came to terms with my whirlwind of emotions and today has been a much better day! I realized that I was mainly freaking out about how long the surgery was going to take because I have never had a surgery this long. Well guess what Taylor, you're knocked out the entire time and you wake up when it's over, duh. 

The other thing I have been upset about is feeling guilty for being nervous. Why would I feel guilty for being nervous? I have felt guilty because I don't have cancer and I have felt as though it isn't fair to people who do have cancer for me to be scared when I am currently healthy. I got up the courage to ask a breast cancer survivor their input on my emotions and I was shocked at the answer I received. She explained to me that my difficult decision to have this surgery was just that, a difficult decision. She said that it was absolutely a reason to be scared, nervous, or whatever else I was feeling. She continued on saying that when you are diagnosed with cancer, this surgery isn't an option like it is for someone trying to prevent cancer. The fact that this was an option I chose gives me all the reason in the world to have all of these crazy emotions. She made me feel completely justified in my nerves and I thank her for that. 

In lighter news, my awesome Aunt Kathy came through again with more things that I will need throughout this journey! This time in the form of fabulous button down dress length pajamas! I have heard that after this surgery, it is difficult to move to take bottoms on and off. With these, I will be able to get them on easy, because they button all the way down the front, and are long enough not to worry about pants. Who likes pants anyways? 

 

It is interesting to me what other people realize that you will need that I would have never imagined needing. I would have walked into the hospital with an extra t-shirt and my toothbrush and thought I was ahead of the game. Thank god for all the wonderful people around me! 

I had my pre-admission testing today and walked into the hospital blindly, as I had no idea what that meant. My dad came along for moral support, which was nice because I was so nervous! The 'testing' portion of this appointment was only blood work! Easiest test I've ever taken! After the nurse took my blood she escorted me into an office where another nurse waited. This nurse asked a series of questions including: family history of cancer, what medications I take, if I drink or smoke, and other standard medical history questions. After she was through verifying all my records were correctly in the computer, she added to the list of things I needed to do to prepare for Thursday. One of them being these bottles of soap...

 

This is surgical scrub! I am not sure if all hospitals give their patients this before big surgeries or if it's just a Florida Hospital thing, but I like it! Basically, after I have completed my shower I go back, wash my entire body with this stuff, let it sit on my skin for 3 minutes, and then wash it off! Doing this, plus cleaning my bed sheets today, and using a new towel and wash cloth for each shower until my surgery are all supposed to help lessen the likelihood of infection after surgery! My skin now smells extra fabulous!

At first, I thought it was random but then when she explained it lessened the likelihood of infection, I was all about it! The other thing I thought was random is that I am not allowed to wear deodorant on the day of the surgery. At first I was like, pshh I am wearing some deodorant, but then I realized part of the surgery goes into my armpit so it makes sense! Obviously, these doctors have thought of everything! 

Another thing I didn't think of: Where/how I was going to wear these drains for the next several weeks. I ask around and many people pin them to their bra or a string around their neck, but the thought of that made me nervous! What if I accidentally pulled the string or something? Eeek. My cousin, Jill, got this surgical belt online and explained that it has already made her life much easier!

It is basically a Velcro belt with four pouches, one for each drain. The pouches detach so you can put them anywhere on the belt that is comfortable. Why didn't I think of this?!  I will let you know after surgery how useful I think it is, but it looks like it's going to be great! 

I made a pact with myself that yesterday will be the hardest day throughout this journey for me. There will be pain, sadness, anxiety, nervousness, and a million other emotions but I will no longer let them get the best of me. I am doing a great thing for myself and in the process helping to inform others. I obviously have to keep reminding myself of these things, but it keeps me going! After Thursday, I am sure my outlook on all of this will be much brighter anyways, as the hard part will be over! 

My song for the day is Beautiful by Mariah Carey featuring Miguel. When you are feeling down for the day, make sure that you remember 'Good lord, you're freaking beautiful, so beautiful' inside and out! Don't ever forget that!

One more day... Happy Tuesday, y'all.

Just keep swimming...

I find myself attempting to write this blog and failing. My nerves have kicked into over drive and even the medication that I was given to ease my nerves isn't working. Just 3 more days and the hard parts over is what I am telling myself over and over again in my head. It is not currently working though...

I am struggling with the fact that these emotions are okay. I feel like I am crying too much, but then I remember "Hey Taylor, you're having incredibly scary surgery in 3 days and crying is allowed."

I had full intentions of writing this awesome blog about these fabulous pajamas that my aunt bought me today that will be incredibly useful, how I had a second interview for an awesome job in the midst of this chaos, and how my dog has not left my side because he knows that I am nervous, but I can't! 

No song again, but here is my side kick, Presley, making sure I know that I am loved, by sleeping on my feet. He hasn't laid in my bed for more than 5 minutes his entire life and he laid with me for hours today. Try to tell me dogs don't know whats going on... pshhhh. 

Catch everyone tomorrow after my pre-admission testing to tell you all of these things and explain what in the world pre-admission testing entails.

And hey, thanks for sticking through the days where I am too emotional to say anything of substance! You are getting the raw emotions of a 24-year-old on system overload.

Pitcher of Patron...

Good news everyone! A train went by while I was at PRs Taco Palace last night. Do you know what that means? Patron shots!

This is my neighbor tribe! What's a neighbor tribe? A mixture of family and friends that supports each other through all of our crazy decisions in life. Oh and we are neighbors, well kind of! I am not sure I could ever have a bad time with this group of people. Especially when you add in patron margarita pitchers and orange crush shots. I am not sure how I am functioning today... We may have had a little too much fun. 

We met a super awesome girl at the bar we went to after dinner named Katie, who didn't know about the BRCA gene mutation! My dear friend Gabby (blonde in the bottom left), kindly brought up what we were celebrating and Katie wanted to be informed! She sat at the bar, read my blog, and then hugged me afterwards! She explained that cancer runs in her family as well, so she is going to call to find out about getting tested this upcoming week! It is so awesome for complete strangers to hear my story and make decisions to be proactive! Informing people is such a rewarding feeling! 

I didn't realize how many presents would be involved with getting surgery. I love presents! I saw my Aunt Kathy today in the grocery store parking lot and she gave me this bag of goodies! She is the beauty product queen so she knew just what to get me! The bag included: lollipops and Burts Bees throat drops in case my mouth gets dry, lip balm for if my lips get dry, make up removers to keep my face feeling fresh, and dry shampoo so my hair can stay looking fabulous! 

I would have never thought of needing any of this stuff! Luckily, I have a fabulous aunt to do the thinking for me! These are essentials for hospital sleepovers, so again if you're going down the same journey I am, you should probably pick these items up! Thanks again, Aunt Kathy! 

As this week begins, I find myself getting more nervous. I think about Thursday and get a little nauseous. The longest surgery I have ever had was 2 hours and this one is going to be 6! I thought it was 4, but Dr.P explained it would be longer when I went to my pre-op appointment on Friday. I just want to get it over with! I am counting down the hours until I can look back and say, I did it! This is just one small bump in the road on this crazy journey we call life and I am running over it at full speed! 

My song of the day is by the best band in the world, Kingstreet. Why is it the best band in the world? Well, my dad is the lead guitar player, duh. Life's too short by Kingstreet reminds me that "life's too short to throw away your dreams, some days are hard and to just remember that tomorrow will come."

It is available on iTunes, so go buy it! Or at least give it a listen! Hope you love this song as much as I do! 

I hope everyone had an awesome Sunday Funday! See you tomorrow :) 

Bright Side of Life...

Happy Saturday to all of you beautiful people out there! 

Today is going to be an awesome day! I went to bed and woke up with the gnarliest headache in the history of headaches but it has finally gone away! I think that was long overdue after all the crying and stressing I have been doing. Glad that's over with! I have full intentions of spending my last weekend with real boobs in style. By that I mean I am going with friends to a local Mexican restaurant where you get tequila shots every time the train goes by. Pray for trains! Then we will be continuing our fiesta through the night! This is going to be fun! 

Quick update: Jillian is home now! She got through surgery just fine! Thanks for all the prayers and good vibes sent her way! When I asked her how she felt this morning she said 'like an elephant is sitting on my chest.' Well, that sounds fun. Not. Luckily, she is one of the strongest women I know, so she is sailing through this like a champ! Continue to send your thoughts and prayers her way. Love you, Jill! 

Awesome present of the day: These ice packs! I mean, who doesn't need animal print, rubber ducky, and monkey ice packs?? I know, you're jealous. On a serious note, I have a friend who can never eat peas again because she used them as ice packs on her chest and they are now ruined for her forever. Don't ruin peas for yourself! Go to TJ Maxx and get super cool ones like this! I have been told there will be lots of icing involved, so buying two sets that you can rotate is probably a good idea!

My sister is so awesome that she thinks of things I would have never imagined needing, like this bad boy! It's a sleep mask, duh. Sleepover parties at the hospital are never fun, but not actually sleeping makes it ten times worse! The nurses are always coming in, taking blood, asking if you're okay, and I swear it seems like there's always a light on! Well, I can't press mute on the hospital sounds, but at least now I will be able to sleep!! If you are beginning this journey I suggest one of these, as I am sure I will be getting tons of use out of it in the coming weeks! 

 

One of the things I find most interesting about writing this blog is that people say they are 'so sorry' for what I am going through...

I do not want anyone to be sorry!!! There's nothing to be sorry for! If anything, you should be saying congratulations! Congratulations...? For what? WE HAVE FOUND A WAY TO BEAT CANCER BEFORE IT EVEN BEGINS TO FIGHT, Y'ALL.  I don't have cancer and that's something to celebrate in the first place, but the fact I am not even giving that jerk a chance... definitely no reason to be sorry. 

Yes, this process is scary and boy do my emotions get the best of me, but I want to emphasize to everyone that this is an amazing opportunity I have! Don't worry, I have to remind myself of that too when I get scared, nervous, anxious, or whatever, but the end result will be a happy, healthy, and long life. Hey, I am trying to make a difference in the world and that takes times...

Here is a little motivation for all your fella's out there who need to go get tested:

This is my cousin, Keven! He is obviously very happy about that giant firework and also happens to be BRCA 2 positive. He is an awesome dude with crazy drumming skills who knows that knowledge is power, so he got tested! Now, go be as cool (well try to be) as my cuzzo and get tested for the BRCA gene mutation. It's not just a girl thing...

My song of the day is Rebelution--Bright side of life. This song has such a positive message and I feel like the boys of Reb are singing to me when it comes on my iPod! Some of the most powerful lyrics say 'I dont want to scare you, no I don't, It's time you be a role model, so, open up! It also reminds me to 'rise up and make an impact' and 'look on the bright side of life.' 

You know the drill! Download or at least listen to this bad boy! Reggae always has such a positive message, I don't know how you could possibly not like it! 

Have a great Saturday, y'all! See you tomorrow!