Emotional Overload

Today has been an epic emotional roller coaster and it's not even over yet! Good thing it's the weekend!!

My alarm this morning was the pleasant sound of my dad setting off the smoke detector in the kitchen. Imagine what side of the bed I woke up on from that alarm... We just recently remodeled and we have an extra sensitive smoke detector that goes off when you think too hard. I had my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon, Dr.P, this morning so I tried to stay calm, as I could feel my nerves creeping up on me. For the first time, Starbucks was actually not a good idea, because it amplified my nerves. I know, since when is Starbucks not a good idea?! 

This was the first time my mom got to meet my plastic surgeon and see what an 'explander' was! Dr. P and his nursing staff at Soma Plastic Surgery are literally the nicest people in the world! Today was basically my opportunity to sit down with my doctor and ask any questions that I had about this procedure. I surprisingly didn't have many questions because he explained the procedure so well first time around!

For those of you wondering, this is an 'expander'...

This is what is put in to replace my breast tissue after the mastectomy. During the reconstruction portion of my surgery, 100cc's of fluid is put into each expander. So yes, I do wake up with boobs. After the initial surgery, 60-100cc's is added every couple of weeks until my boobs are at the size that I desire. How do they add cc's every couple of weeks? See that awesome metal circle in the back of the spacer, they stick a needle in that bad boy (don't worry-- I can't feel it) and add the fluid. Weird, right?

Once I talked to the doctor about how the surgery would go, his lovely nurse Linda brought me into another room to sign a bunch of papers. Boy, did that bring on a wave of emotion. It actually felt real once the papers were signed. I went to run errands with my mom and could not even function. I came home and hugged my dad for a solid 5 minutes and then cried my eyes out. It was like a tsunami sized wave hit me with the most terrified feeling in the world. I was really doing this. 

I decided to again not let my emotions get the best of me! I contacted my sister to see if she wanted to grab lunch around 11:30 because I was having a seriously emotional day, before I had my hair appointment. Come 12:30 I was starving and pissed wondering where my sister was and why she wasn't answering my phone calls. When she finally arrived at my parents house I was like 'HOLY COW, I'M HUNGRY AND SAD, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!,' in my head of course. She walked in the door and set a giant box and a bag on the counter. She had been out being the most generous human being on the planet, getting my all the necessities I needed for this upcoming week. 

I am obviously incredibly touched by many, many things. But these two items made me cry for at least an hour. Thank god for sunglasses.

On the left, is a journal that I can write my blog in when I am not feeling up to being on the computer. In case you can't read it, it says 'You can do this'. On the right, is a picture frame. Besides the fact that is it an AWESOME frame, she drew me a little portrait. It is a stick figure with big boobs smiling in heels and in the background there is a tombstone that reads 'R.I.P. BRCA 2.' Honestly, if I had to pick between the keys to the richest kingdom in the world or this picture and frame, hands down I'd pick the picture. Sorry y'all, this will go down in history as the most sincere and fabulous gift of all time in my book.

After I pulled myself together from the roller coaster of being sad and genuinely touched, Shelby and I had lunch and then I was off to pamper myself! The fabulous Olivia Rhyne did all kinds of magic on my hair to make me feel extra awesome before I feel extra crappy.

Did I mention there was wine?! Look at this amazing outcome. I am obsessed!

I came to a couple realizations today, the first being that even the smallest gestures can make you feel like a million bucks, the second being that ale house has great food and beers on tap, and the third being that it's okay to pamper yourself! 

The most important thing that I can't emphasize enough is that this is an emotional roller coaster. I was one of those people who came into thinking, 'oh, ill breeze through this like a champ,' and then today I hugged my daddy and cried like a three year old who lost her favorite teddy bear. Don't think because you want to cry or stay in bed for the day that you're not being strong. YOU'RE. FREAKING. DOING. THIS. And that makes you stronger than most people out there! Don't worry as I am writing this, I am still reminding myself of that fact.

I am one day closer to getting this over with and I am so grateful for that! No song of the day today because honestly, I am burnt out and could go to sleep right now after that tsunami of emotion this morning.  I hope you all have a pampered, fun, and fabulous weekend! Oh and tequila, I hope there's tequila. 

Catch you on the flip side!