Light at the end of the tunnel...

Today has been the day that I have been patiently awaiting... a normal doctors visit. I have had so many ups and downs with this procedure thus far, that I basically dread going to the doctor. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my plastic surgeon and his staff, but constantly hearing bad news week after week gets down right exhausting. To be completely honest, last week I got so nervous going to the doctors' that I ended up crying before I was even in the examination room! Hey, if you got bad news week after week, you'd feel the same way!

I've finally got a smile back on my face!

Anyways, today I finally got an idea of when all this madness will be over! It will take 6 weeks for my rapid expansion, going once a week, and then 6 weeks with the expanders at desired size 'settling' before I have the exchange to put in the implants. So twelve weeks from now, I will again go under the knife and be so so close to the finish line! Why do you keep the expanders for 6 weeks after you reach your desired size? Good question! All I really understood about that today was that you have to give the expanders and your body time to settle before you do the exchange. I'll ask more questions when I am in that 'settling' period. 

The other great thing that happened today was that I started expanding on my left side! I have around 60 cc's on that side, which is still incredibly flat chested, but it's more than I had yesterday! On my right side, I reached around 300 cc's, which is similar to a full A cup. I know what you're thinking... 'You're excited to have one full A cup breast?' If you had been looking at the chest that I have been looking at since July 17th, you'd be doing back flips for this baby-sized boob I've got!

So that you can share in my excitement for my progress, I will post a picture. I don't want to weird anyone out, but here is one of the dimples that I have developed in my chest having no fat cells...

 

Now, you may be thinking 'oh that's not so bad.' But when you add in the dimple on the other side, the caving in that my chest does next to where my armpit meets the side of my body on both sides, the huge scars I have on both sides, and the continued bruising... it weighs on my mind.  To finally be able to see progress and know that I will not be completely botched forever is an indescribable feeling. Telling yourself it's temporary is one thing, seeing it is another.

Oh, I forgot more good news I got today: I CAN START WORKING OUT AGAIN. Well, kind of... My doctor said that I can ride the bike at the gym, work my lower half, and go in the sauna. Again, while this may not sound exciting for you, but it was like hearing I got a pony on Christmas morning for me! 

As always, I want to thank you all for staying with me during this period where I have been the worst blogger in the world, because I haven't been writing. In this period of gray, I have found an even deeper connection with music. It amazes me to be able to turn on a song and feel like the person singing it knows exactly what i'm going through... it's like they're right there with you, supporting you through your struggles. I listen to 'I believe' by Soja literally everyday on the way to work and on the way home. The lyrics in this song make me believe in myself all over again every morning and afternoon. These particular words have given me some of the strength to start writing this blog again so I want to share them with you... 
  

I kinda been struggling                                                             

The fire on my tongue’s been challenging                                            

But even the wise ones be stumbling                                               

So pick your heart up here and walk tall

Bright- eyed deliverance 

Everything you say’s significant

So speak your truth, be spirited

You’re beautiful and bold, so carry on.

The second part of these lyrics really gets to me because I had a friend from high school reach out and say something very similar. He explained to me that one of his parents has cancer and my blog has helped him in this incredibly difficult time. He said that while what we're going through is not the same, we have similar emotions and I make him feel justified and normal. He ended up giving me most of the strength to write this blog today, and he may never know it! Knowing that my words can help other people in tough times makes it all worth it!

I challenge everyone to stop reading my blog right now and hug someone you love! Why? Well because it has hurt me for weeks now to hug anyone and lord does it feel good to give someone a hug! I mean who doesn't love hugs? I am going to the gym tomorrow, so as long as I am not in excruciating pain afterwards, i'll write again tomorrow! Love you all and thanks again for sticking with me!